Transforming Assumptions into Curiosity

Tools for Healthy Communication

Let's dive into a topic that's crucial for maintaining healthy relationships – assumptions and misunderstandings. It all boils down to communication.

Have you ever found yourself in a heated argument, only to realize later that you and your partner weren't even on the same page about what the issue was? It happens more often than we'd like to admit. One reason behind this is what therapist Terry Real calls a "CNI" – a core negative image. It's like painting your partner as a supervillain in your mind.

When conflict arises, that CNI takes center stage, and suddenly we start assuming things about our partner's thoughts, feelings, and reactions. We become so convinced that we know exactly what's going on inside their head that we stop asking questions. Communication breaks down, and misunderstandings creep in.

The reverse happens too, we assume our partners understand us without explicitly communicating. When we forget to ask questions and seek clarity, we get stuck in the drama instead of seeking solutions.

Here's the thing: you know your partner is more than the negative image you conjure up in moments of conflict. They have a heart, good intentions, and love for you – remember why you chose to be with them. But in the heat of an argument, it's easy to forget all that and fall into the trap of assumptions and misunderstandings.

So, what's the antidote? Enter curiosity. There's a powerful quote I love: "It's hard to hate up close." Get curious, ask questions, seek clarity, and most importantly, listen. Let your partner share their perspective and feelings.

But I get it; it's not always easy to be curious when emotions are running high. So, before zooming in, take a step back. Find a quiet space, take a few deep breaths, and recenter yourself. Allow yourself to experience the uncomfortable emotions coming up.

Once you're in a more centered place, ask yourself: What am I not seeing? How might this situation look from a different perspective? Through someone else's eyes?

Incorporating curiosity into your approach can break the cycle of assumptions and misunderstandings. It's about fostering open communication and understanding, even in the midst of conflict. Give it a try, and let me know how it transforms your relationships.

If you need support, I invite you to book a session with me. Click HERE to learn more.