Patterns of Protection
Wednesday Wisdom
Let’s talk about support….
In 2018 my life as I knew it was falling apart.
But nobody else knew it.
Being “happy-go-lucky” and “go with the flow” was the brand I had adopted at a young age. It kept others at arm’s length and me feeling a false sense of safety. A pattern of protection deeply ingrained in me.
One night I had a friend over for dinner. I’m not sure exactly what caused me to lose hold of my happy mask that night, but something did.
I started to tell her a little about what was going on in my life…
Then I cried… the forbidden act…(in my book at the time)
The facade gave way. Out came real and raw emotions. I shared my reality and my fears.
I’m not sure what response I expected… At this point in life vulnerability was new to me.
The idea of being supported and leaning on someone was foreign. The little voice in my head was always quick to tell me: your feelings don’t matter, don’t burden other people, it’s not safe to share.
After I finished my mess, my friend said, “I feel like I know you now”.
None of my fears came true.
It was a pivotal moment in our friendship.
Raw honesty gave way to a deep connection.
A connection that helped me through a heavy season.
______
Before this experience, I was used to being the strong one, the caring one, the supporter.
On the outside, being the “shoulder to cry on” and the friend who’s “always there” sounds altruistic.
We celebrate that friend. They show up!
Always so happy and full of love!
Does this sound like you?
Being the light in the room but also…
The one who withdraws and suppresses your feelings when life gets tough.
Because at some point when you were little you developed a belief that no one was going to meet your needs, so it was up to you to blow up your own balloon.
It’s a great talent to have, sometimes we need to give ourselves a pep talk, pull on our big kid pants, and figure it out.
But there’s a dark side to this pattern.
It keeps you from experiencing deep connection with others. When life gets messy you’re left feeling unsupported and unloved.
Relationships go both ways, I lean on you, you lean on me. It’s an exchange, a dance. Not a one-way street. It’s not that people don’t care, it’s that support feels unsafe to you. Don’t worry…. there is good news.
Patterns of protection can be rewritten into patterns of connection.
Trust me. I’ve done it.
I love being a supportive friend and I love having friends I can lean on for support.
“People who need people are the luckiest people in the world”.
We are pack animals. You aren’t meant to go through life alone. Everyone should have support.
If something inside you says “This is me”, reach out.
Send me an email at lilly@lillyrachels.com
I’d love to tell you how I rewrote this pattern in my own life.