Overcoming Quiet Quitting in Relationships

Finding Clarity and Reconnecting

Have you ever heard of "quiet quitting"? It's a term used to describe doing the bare minimum of your job to maintain employment. The person who has “quiet quit” is checked out.

I see this same trend in relationships. People who are in a relationship but have essentially stopped trying. They may not have physically left, but emotionally, they've checked out. They've quit participating and are no longer putting effort into their relationship. It's like they've left without officially breaking up.

So, why do people quietly quit their relationships? One major reason is resentment. When someone feels that their efforts go unnoticed and unappreciated, they might start withdrawing and distancing themselves from their partner. This withdrawal is detrimental to any relationship because it hinders communication and intimacy.

I know how challenging it can be because I've struggled with this too. Withdrawal occurs when you no longer want to address issues or engage in uncomfortable conversations because you fear discomfort or backlash. Instead of working on the problem, you disengage, sulk, and continue with your life, neglecting your relationship.

But how can you combat quiet quitting and find your way back to a healthy, thriving relationship? The first step is to gain clarity on the underlying issues causing friction between you and your partner. You need to identify the root problem or problems before you can effectively address them.

Where do you find clarity on the issue? For me, this comes with stillness. When working with clients I recommend they begin a meditation practice.

It doesn't have to be an overwhelming commitment; even just 10 minutes a day can make a significant difference. Try to meditate in the morning or before bedtime when your mind is more receptive to it.

If meditation feels too challenging, you can opt for a 15-minute silent walk each day. No headphones, no distractions – just you, the outdoors, and your thoughts.

The idea is to create a space where you can reconnect with your inner self and gain insight into what's truly bothering you.

Before you start your meditation or walk, ask yourself, "What is bothering me?" Then, after your practice, ask the same question again.

Be patient with yourself. Finding clarity may not happen immediately, especially if the issues run deep in your relationship. When something does come to mind, ask yourself, "Why does this bother me?" Go several “whys” deep. Keep asking "why" until you reach the root issue.

Once you've identified the core problem, ask yourself, "What do I need to move forward? What changes do I want to see in my relationship? What do I need from my partner? What do I need from myself to fix these issues?"

Taking responsibility for finding a possible solution is crucial. Your partner can't read your mind, so it's unfair to expect them to magically fix everything.

Set your relationship up for success by asking for what you need and want.

If this was helpful and you want to go deeper into healthy communication, I have a free download for you. It's called "My 7 Keys for Healthy Communication," and spoiler alert: clarity is the first key. Comment “keys” below and I’ll send it to you.

It’s possible to stop living like roommates and start living like lovers again.