On My Phone, Not My Feed.
Field notes from July
Thoughts from a month on the road.
Take small sustainable steps:
I use this practice in my work with couples. We aren’t trying to reinvent your relationship overnight; we’re making small sustainable steps towards long-term love.
I applied the same practice to my writing this month. I ditched trying to have a formal practice and instead gave myself one simple step: use my Apple Notes to write. Let it be messy; get the words out. We can edit later. The result: I’m actually writing daily.
Be the caretaker of your emotional garden:
It’s easy to push this job onto your partner. I’ve done it, I still do it. I’ll say it for the rest of my life—feelings are fickle—they are data, but don’t let them drive the car. And don’t expect someone else to carry the weight of them.
Tending to our emotional garden means we experience our emotions, we feel them, but we don’t act out of them. Allow the wave to pass, and when you’re calm, cool, and collected, move from there.
Keep your head up:
I went on a rafting/climbing/adventure sort of trip in college. I remember the moment the ocean appeared on our drive. Expansive, rough waves, deep blue and sparkling. It was the first time I had seen the Pacific. Everyone else in the car, minus the driver, was scrolling or sleeping. None of us had been here before. We were seeing (or not seeing) it for the first time. I’ve carried that as a reminder to keep my head up and eyes open.
Living only exists in the present moment. I have spent wayyy too many hours of my life reimagining the past and questioning if I’m on the right track to get to some “future,” always at the expense of what’s right in front of me.
Regret lives in the past and anxiety in the future. Neither of which are the bedfellows I want to walk through life with.
Do it for the joy:
I stopped posting on Instagram for July. During which we had an epic RV trip through the UP of Michigan, explored the Adirondacks, and swam in crystal clear cold water (my fav). Insane photos. All on my phone, not my feed.
It was a test for me: do I actually enjoy this in the moment or is it for the gram? The verdict—I LOVE it—will I get back to sharing photos? Absolutely. Temporary deprivation of a “thing” can recalibrate our relationship with the thing. Highly recommend.
Originally, I coined this my analogue summer. Swapping scrolling for reading and writing. A practice I will continue into the late summer and fall.
I hope you do something today that lights you up.
Lilly