Entitlement in Relationships
Wednesday Wisdom
Entitlement has become a bit of a trigger word, quickly putting us on the offense or defense. There is little neutrality around the concept of entitlement.
Like most things, it’s easier to spot someone who's entitled than to take a look at ourselves. Today, I will ask you to get curious about how entitlement shows up in your relationship.
You may be thinking, “I’m not entitled at all.” But entitlement isn’t always loud; sometimes it creeps into us in quiet ways.
Have you ever been driving down the road and someone cuts in front of you? Maybe your reaction is to yell and curse, ride their bumper, or mutter, “Okay dude, easy!”
Likely, you’ve experienced this situation.
On the other hand, have you ever seen a small gap in traffic and slipped into it? It feels like it's meant for you, right? You’re not cutting anyone off, or are you?
When someone does it to you, it bothers you. But when you do it, it's okay… that is a form of entitlement.
Have you ever cut the line? Or maybe taken two desserts instead of the one that was for you? These simple small acts are little ways entitlement can creep into our lives.
We can ask the same questions in our relationships.
Simply put, entitlement is placing yourself superior to your partner. Ask yourself:
Are there things you think your partner should or shouldn’t do for you?
Are you considering their perspective or just your own?
Are you open to not getting your way?
Entitlement can often come up in conflict. Maybe you think, "They should agree with me." Or, "They should apologize first." But what if we thought differently? What if we treated our partner's feelings just as important as our own?
If you notice yourself behaving with entitlement towards your partner, ask yourself, “Why?” Why do I think I should get what I want and my partner shouldn’t?
It’s not about judging yourself and placing a good or bad sticker on behaviors; it’s about curiosity. Get curious about how the energy and mindset around your actions affect your relationship.
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*Photo Credit Ryan Guite Photography