Don't Want To Be Vulnerable? Do This Instead.
Wednesday Wisdom
“Ewww emotions… I don’t like those things”.
I had a client say this to me in one of our sessions, while he meant it in jest, he wasn’t kidding about his aversion to experiencing his feelings.
Working with men I often get pushback when I coach on experiencing emotions. Vulnerability and “sharing” can come across as weak and feminine to my clients.
Honestly, I get the aversion to the term “vulnerability”
When I think of being vulnerable I picture a puppy rolling over and showing their belly. Exposing their soft spots in a submissive posture.
It makes complete sense why my clients veer away from the term.
If you are in the same boat, I want to offer you a reframe that has been helpful.
Instead of being “vulnerable” I want you to just focus on being honest and sharing context.
Being honest is pretty straightforward, instead of denying your emotions or suppressing them, be honest with yourself that they exist.
Acknowledgment is the first step in experiencing emotions.
Next, give voice to them by sharing what you are experiencing aloud.
Example:
“I’m sad”
“I’m pissed”
“I’m confused”.
As you do this notice where in your physical body that emotion is coming from.
It may be a tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, a tingle in your throat, or a heat sensation in your head. Wherever it is, notice it.
Once you pick up on the sensation share aloud, “I feel ____ and I feel it in my ___”.
Example: I feel sad and I feel it in my stomach.
Through this exercise, you are creating space for your emotions to move out of your body instead of suppressing them under societal conditioning and stoicism.
Notice I just said to share them aloud, not to anyone. If sharing makes you uncomfortable start here.
We will get into sharing the context of your struggle with your wife or girlfriend next week.
Until then don’t forget, you matter.
Your pain matters.
Stop putting yourself last.
You can be strong and honest about your feelings.
If you are unsure how to do this? Book a virtual coffee with me or email me at lilly@lillyrachels.com.