Does Your Relationship Need Work… or Is It Just Not Working?
How to tell the difference
There’s a moment(s) in every relationship that feels like a crossroads.
The connection is off.
Your patience is thin.
You’re not sure if this is a hard season… or the beginning of the end.
And the loudest question running through your mind is:
“Do we need to work on this… or is it just not working?”
I’ve asked that question, too.
And for a long time, I didn’t have a clear answer, just a pile of emotions, unspoken needs, and confusion that felt too heavy to carry but too scary to put down.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me back then:
There’s a difference between effort that strengthens your relationship and effort that slowly breaks you.
Love is not maintenance-free.
It’s not supposed to be easy.
But it’s also not supposed to feel like chaos.
The truth is:
You don’t have a relationship because someone agreed to date you.
You have a relationship because both of you keep choosing to show up.
That choice is what builds love.
Not the butterflies. Not the milestones.
The reps.
Because just like going to the gym, signing up doesn’t build strength. Showing up, consistently and intentionally, does.
So, how do you know when it’s time to lean in and work on the relationship and when it’s time to be honest that it’s not working?
Here’s where I’d start
5 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Unsure:
Do I believe my partner is a good-willed person? Not perfect. But kind at their core. This is your baseline. If the answer is no, we’re having a different conversation.
Am I contributing or just observing? Are you showing up in the relationship, or standing back and hoping it changes without you? Are you putting in the reps?
Am I in a temporary season or a cycle? All relationships have winter. But if every month feels like February, there may be a deeper issue.
Am I making decisions from emotion… or clarity? Feelings are valid, and it’s important to experience them fully, but they’re not facts. Emotions are like weather: real, but always shifting. Wait until the storm passes.
Is the effort mutual, or is one of us carrying all the weight? Grace means knowing your partner (and you) won’t always have 100% to give. But it takes two people to build a relationship.
Long-term relationships require dedication
Even highly compatible couples will face seasons of pressure and stress.
If you want to play the long game, you must learn to:
Stay grounded when things get hard.
Lean into growth, not just comfort.
Let love be a verb, not just a vibe.
If you don’t know where to start, I can help. Life is too precious to spend resentful and unhappy. Let’s put in the reps.