Do You Set Yourself Up For Failure, Then Beat Yourself Up When You Fail?
Wednesday Wisdom
It’s 11:23 p.m.
I want to be in bed right now, but instead, I’m sitting at my kitchen island, sipping a hot mug of chamomile tea attempting to write an article so I can post on time Wednesday morning.
Typically, this work is done by now.
When I write the topic always drops in. For me, planning and creativity do not operate in unison.
Inspiration arrives when I’m walking outside, in the shower, at the gym, or sometimes during a deep conversation with a friend.
I know this about myself, yet I’m frustrated over my inability to manufacture a thought…. at almost midnight.
Honestly, I ran out of time, or (more honestly) I didn’t prioritize my time. So here I am neglecting what my body needs (sleep) and expecting my brain to get in the flow and write something meaningful.
How often do we do that?
Set ourselves up for failure and then beat ourselves up over it.
I’ve written/spoken on the dangers of unverbalized expectations with others. How harmful it is for our relationships when we expect our partner to hit a target they didn’t know existed. We set them up for failure.
We do something similar with ourselves. Maybe we know the target/goal but set ourselves up for failure by not giving ourselves the support needed to achieve it.
I know that I need space and movement to be creative. Whether that’s movement of my body through a solo walk or gym sesh, or movement of my mouth as I play with ideas out loud. Through this process I create.
It’s clear what I need and I didn’t give it to myself.
Where in life do you do this?
Set yourself up for failure then beat yourself up when you fail.
Maybe it’s going hungry to a party that you know is serving junk food when you are trying to eat clean.
Maybe it’s staying up too late watching Netflix when you know you have an important presentation at work and need the rest.
Maybe it’s picking a fight with your partner when you know your stress levels are high and you will be more easily irritated.
If you’ve experienced anything remotely like this…. I want to share with you three things I do (literally just did them) to get back on track.
Feel it. Notice where in your physical body the frustration you have for yourself is showing up. Tonight, I notice it in the back of my head and cheeks. It’s a warm pulsing sensation. Take a minute to notice where your frustration is hanging out, name the emotion, and let yourself experience the wave of it.
Give yourself grace. We all miss the mark. Take your left hand and rub your right shoulder. Physically give yourself support and repeat “it’s ok” or whatever mantra/phrase is supportive for you to hear from yourself. If you think this is silly, that’s ok, it helps your nervous system so do it anyway.
Set future you up for success. Write down what would help you complete the task/situation you’re frustrated over optimally. How can you help future you meet your goals? When I don’t feel like cleaning the living room or kitchen before bed I remind myself “I’m doing this for future Lilly”. Be kind to future you. Help yourself succeed.
If you try this, let me know. Comment or send me an email (lilly@lillyrachels.com).
Remember, it’s not about perfection it’s about persistence. Keep pursuing your growth. A setback or misstep is an opportunity to reevaluate and pivot accordingly.
We are all learning, give yourself grace.
It’s 12:03 a.m. I’m going to bed.