<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0" xmlns:itunes="http://www.itunes.com/dtds/podcast-1.0.dtd" xmlns:googleplay="http://www.google.com/schemas/play-podcasts/1.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[Growth Over Easy]]></title><description><![CDATA[Growth Over Easy is about choosing honesty, responsibility, and effort over comfort, avoidance, and control in your relationships.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com</link><image><url>https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!mQR8!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F19312718-0a10-46b5-a04f-3a3b6d1f896c_500x500.png</url><title>Growth Over Easy</title><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com</link></image><generator>Substack</generator><lastBuildDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2026 21:02:16 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/feed" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><copyright><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></copyright><language><![CDATA[en]]></language><webMaster><![CDATA[lilly@lillyrachels.com]]></webMaster><itunes:owner><itunes:email><![CDATA[lilly@lillyrachels.com]]></itunes:email><itunes:name><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></itunes:name></itunes:owner><itunes:author><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></itunes:author><googleplay:owner><![CDATA[lilly@lillyrachels.com]]></googleplay:owner><googleplay:email><![CDATA[lilly@lillyrachels.com]]></googleplay:email><googleplay:author><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></googleplay:author><itunes:block><![CDATA[Yes]]></itunes:block><item><title><![CDATA[179: What ChatGPT Said About Being Human, Presence, and Why You Need to Slow Down]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | What if ChatGPT gave you a better reminder about being human than most people do?]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/179</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/179</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 07 Apr 2026 09:44:44 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/193393795/b586f26fb71ddad2ffd51d115305da8b.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>What if ChatGPT gave you a better reminder about being human than most people do?</p><p><strong>Episode Description:</strong></p><p>In this episode, Lilly shares a prompt she gave ChatGPT &#8212; <em>if you were human for a day, what would you do?</em> &#8212; and the response became a reminder about presence, embodiment, and what actually matters. She breaks down why so many of us are missing our lives by moving too fast, thinking too far ahead, or staying stuck in our heads, and how slowing down helps us come back to connection.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>What ChatGPT said it would do if it were human for a day</p></li><li><p>Why direct experience matters more than abstraction</p></li><li><p>How moving too fast pulls you out of the present moment</p></li><li><p>Why presence creates deeper connection in your relationships</p></li><li><p>How small moments of noticing compound over time</p></li><li><p>Why slowing down helps your nervous system downshift into safety</p></li><li><p>A simple practice to help you come back to the present moment</p></li><li><p>How to use this practice before connecting with your partner, kids, or friends</p><p></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/179?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/179?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share</span></a></p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Try This Practice:</strong></h3><p>Take one minute to notice:</p><ul><li><p><strong>5 things you can see</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>3 things you can hear</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>1 thing you can feel</strong></p></li></ul><p>Then notice what shifts in your body.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Work with Lilly:</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re ready for more connection, more clarity, and healthier patterns in your relationships, Lilly would love to support you.<br><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/K5pN7ciWKGk4bZzF9">Let&#8217;s talk</a></strong> and see if this work is the right fit for you.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://calendar.app.google/K5pN7ciWKGk4bZzF9&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Book a call&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://calendar.app.google/K5pN7ciWKGk4bZzF9"><span>Book a call</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[178: How to Stop Ruminating on the Past and Worrying About the Future (A Nervous System Approach)]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this episode, Lilly breaks down why so many of us get stuck in the woulda coulda shouldas of the past or the what ifs of the future.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/178</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/178</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 31 Mar 2026 09:44:40 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/192662357/a380da59b9c76dba025a9dcd8309a52b.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down why so many of us get stuck in the woulda coulda shouldas of the past or the what ifs of the future. Using a quote from Peter Crone, she explores why the past could not have happened any other way, what regret and worry look like in the nervous system, and how to come back to the present moment using a simple orienting practice.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Why we get stuck trying to rewrite the past</p></li><li><p>How past, present, and future connect to nervous system states</p></li><li><p>Why the present moment is where peace, joy, and connection live</p></li><li><p>What orienting is and how it helps bring you back to the here and now</p></li><li><p>A simple practice using sight, sound, and smell to ground yourself</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/f9HYVnYbLXwzJmkMA">Book a Call with Lilly:</a></strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re ready to move away from anxiety, worry, or regret and start feeling more present, grounded, and connected, book a call with Lilly to explore what nervous system work could do for you.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://calendar.app.google/f9HYVnYbLXwzJmkMA&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Book a call&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://calendar.app.google/f9HYVnYbLXwzJmkMA"><span>Book a call</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[177: The Simulation You're Living In, Why You Keep Misreading Your Spouse, and What Past Wounds Have to Do with It]]></title><description><![CDATA[You are not always seeing your partner as they are.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/177</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/177</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 24 Mar 2026 09:44:49 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/191934569/280d351fb4c51f8538b6f6f22cd60075.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You are not always seeing your partner as they are. A lot of the time, you&#8217;re seeing them through your wounds, your beliefs, and your fears.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down how we each live in our own simulation when it comes to relationships. She explains how your beliefs about your partner can shape your perception more than reality, how Terry Real&#8217;s concept of the core negative image shows up in conflict, and what you can start doing today to clear the lens and bring more love, respect, and gratitude back into your relationship.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>What it means to live in your own simulation in a relationship</p></li><li><p>How belief shapes perception more than reality</p></li><li><p>What Terry Real means by a core negative image</p></li><li><p>How past wounds can cloud the way you see your partner</p></li><li><p>Why feedback or simple requests can feel much bigger than they are</p></li><li><p>How childhood experiences can shape the way you receive your partner</p></li><li><p>Why slowing conflict down helps you see what&#8217;s actually happening</p></li><li><p>A simple practice to start shifting the lens in your relationship</p></li><li><p>How appreciation and gratitude can help seed more safety and connection</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/EBKjBN8s4Vo31rJR9">Book a Call with Lilly:</a></strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re ready to clear the lens and stop living in the same painful relationship patterns, book a call with Lilly and see if deeper somatic and belief work could support you.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://calendar.app.google/EBKjBN8s4Vo31rJR9&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Book Here&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://calendar.app.google/EBKjBN8s4Vo31rJR9"><span>Book Here</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[176: Why Everything Feels So Urgent in Your Life and Relationship (What Your Nervous System Is Really Doing)]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | In this episode, Lilly breaks down what urgency really is, what&#8217;s happening in the nervous system when everything feels like it has to be dealt with right now, and what to do instead.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/176</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/176</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 17 Mar 2026 09:55:39 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/191058456/1b50786363ab798a9ac4b7553eaf659e.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down what urgency really is, what&#8217;s happening in the nervous system when everything feels like it has to be dealt with right now, and what to do instead. She explains the difference between passion and urgency, why urgency lives in activation, and gives you simple body-based tools to help you slow down and come back into your window of tolerance.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>What urgency actually is in the nervous system</p></li><li><p>Why urgency often shows up as fight or flight activation</p></li><li><p>How unbridled self-expression is often driven by urgency</p></li><li><p>The difference between passion and urgency</p></li><li><p>Why urgency creates pressure to get everything out at once</p></li><li><p>Why acting fast can create bigger ruptures in your relationship</p></li><li><p>What it means to work with urgency instead of acting from it</p></li><li><p>A tool for urgency that feels like flight</p></li><li><p>A tool for urgency that feels like fight</p></li><li><p>Why expanding your nervous system capacity is the long-term solution</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/weekly">Get the 3T Weekly Email</a>:</strong></h3><p>If you enjoy this content and want more, sign up for Lilly&#8217;s free 3T newsletter. Every Monday, you&#8217;ll get a truth, a thought, and a tactic to try for the week.<br><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/weekly">Join the Newsletter</a></strong></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/B3cvR5YN7fAziaoJ9">Book a Call with Lilly:</a></strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re interested in what deeper nervous system work could look like, book a call with Lilly and let&#8217;s talk about what that work could do for you.<br><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/B3cvR5YN7fAziaoJ9">Book Your Call</a></strong></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[175: Core Values, Checking Your Energy, and Why ChatGPT Can't Save Your Relationship]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this episode, Lilly breaks down how to be strategic in your relationship&#8212;especially when it comes to disagreements and conflict.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/175</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/175</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 10 Mar 2026 09:31:20 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/190413456/d5edf36cc53cba2cf436fb06aea706b1.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down how to be strategic in your relationship&#8212;especially when it comes to disagreements and conflict. She walks through three things that will change the way you approach every hard conversation: knowing your core values, checking your energy, and being human.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Why getting clear on your desired outcome changes everything in conflict</p></li><li><p>How ego-based short-term goals (getting even, making them hurt) sabotage long-term love</p></li><li><p>How to reverse engineer your goal&#8212;whether that&#8217;s more connection, better intimacy, or more fun</p></li><li><p>Why knowing your core values gives you a filtration system for every conversation</p></li><li><p>How to check your energy before you go into a hard conversation</p></li><li><p>Why words rooted in fear repel and words rooted in love are received</p></li><li><p>How to identify the fear underneath your anger and voice it through love</p></li><li><p>Why using ChatGPT to communicate with your partner is a problem</p></li><li><p>Why paragraph text messages are wrecking your relationship</p></li><li><p>How to show up as a human&#8212;even at the risk of being messy</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide">Free Download</a>:</strong></h3><p><strong>Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for Leaders:</strong> If you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.</p><p><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide">https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide</a></strong></p><p><strong><a href="http://www.lillyrachels.com">www.lillyrachels.com</a></strong></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[174: Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (You're Treating the Symptom, Not the Cause)]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this episode, Lilly breaks down why treating the symptoms of your relationship problems will never fix what&#8217;s actually going on, and what to do instead.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/174</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/174</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 03 Mar 2026 11:02:56 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/189722815/eca711fb945f918ba7c90bf23b281f55.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down why treating the symptoms of your relationship problems will never fix what&#8217;s actually going on, and what to do instead. </p><div><hr></div><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Why where you feel the pain in your relationship is not where it originated</p></li><li><p>The difference between treating symptoms and treating the root cause</p></li><li><p>How unprocessed experiences become rocks in your backpack</p></li><li><p>Why recurring fights with your wife are rarely about your wife</p></li><li><p>How early childhood wounds and old patterns show up in your current relationship</p></li><li><p>Why throwing away the relationship won&#8217;t fix the problem</p></li><li><p>What root cause relationship work actually looks like</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><p><strong><a href="https://calendar.google.com/calendar/appointments/schedules/AcZssZ2p9cW6dbAx6Xi_8fZ4uSyhgLycwk00ZUpMwwv3IPB0nr2JZI6lkcS6wjUF_Si21LOBmJNWir-d">Book a Call with Lilly</a>:</strong> If you&#8217;re ready to unload the rocks from your backpack, book a call with Lilly and see if she can help you treat where the pain actually originated. </p><div><hr></div><p><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/weekly">Get the 3T Weekly Email:</a></strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/weekly"> </a>Sign up for Lilly&#8217;s weekly email: a truth, a thought, and a tactic delivered to your inbox every week. </p><div><hr></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[173: Here's Why Your Wife Says Your Feedback Is Criticism (And How to Fix It)]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this episode, Lilly breaks down why your feedback feels like criticism to your partner&#8212;even when you&#8217;re genuinely trying to help&#8212;and what you can do to shift that.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/173</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/173</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 17 Feb 2026 14:27:12 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/188197789/8025afa42b29c236f4469ef64f055b7e.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down why your feedback feels like criticism to your partner&#8212;even when you&#8217;re genuinely trying to help&#8212;and what you can do to shift that.</p><p>She explains the two reasons feedback lands like criticism: your conduct (the energy behind your words) and the absence of emotional safety in the relationship. She&#8217;ll walk you through the fear vs. love framework, redefine what &#8220;safety&#8221; actually means in a relationship, and give you a simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>Why your partner reacts to feedback like it&#8217;s criticism, even when you&#8217;re genuinely trying to help</p></li><li><p>The two reasons feedback lands like criticism: conduct and absence of safety</p></li><li><p>Why conduct (the energy behind your words) matters just as much as content (what you&#8217;re saying)</p></li><li><p>The fear vs. love framework: words rooted in fear are repelled, words rooted in love are received</p></li><li><p>What emotional safety actually means (and why it&#8217;s not just physical safety)</p></li><li><p>How to tell if emotional safety is present in your relationship (the intimacy temperature check)</p></li><li><p>Why feedback can&#8217;t land in a chronically activated relationship</p></li><li><p>How to become the tuning fork for your family (vagal authority in your home)</p></li><li><p>A simple grounding tool to use before you walk through the door at the end of the workday</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Free Download:</strong></h3><p><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide">Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for Leaders</a></strong><br>If you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.</p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Work with Lilly:</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re someone who explodes and then withdraws and shuts down, or you notice a lot of tension and turmoil in your home, reach out to Lilly. She&#8217;ll walk you through what nervous system work could do for your relationship.<br><strong>Email:</strong> support@lillyrachels.com</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[172: Why You Can't Turn It Off at Home (Chronic Activation Explained for Men)]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this episode, Lilly breaks down what chronic activation is, how you get stuck in it, and what you can do about it.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/172</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/172</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 10 Feb 2026 10:03:12 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/187447722/6d1c0297d27d8b6836c8a5987747a983.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down what chronic activation is, how you get stuck in it, and what you can do about it. She&#8217;ll explain why you might feel like you&#8217;re always on alert, always in danger, always one step away from everything falling apart. And she&#8217;ll give you one simple resourcing tool that can help you access safety in your nervous system.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>What chronic activation is and why you&#8217;ve stopped noticing it</p></li><li><p>How chronic activation is like being sleep-deprived&#8212;you adapt, but you&#8217;re still declining internally</p></li><li><p>Why you feel like you&#8217;re always on alert, always in danger, always one step away from everything falling apart</p></li><li><p>The difference between sympathetic charge (activation) and parasympathetic safety (rest, connection, intimacy)</p></li><li><p>Why high-functioning men go from highly activated to completely shut down at the end of the day (dorsal vagal collapse)</p></li><li><p>What resourcing is and how it helps your nervous system access safety</p></li><li><p>A simple exercise you can do right now to downshift into safety</p></li><li><p>Why resourcing alone won&#8217;t renegotiate the patterns keeping you stuck, and what will</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide">Free Download</a>:</strong></h3><p><strong>Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide for Leaders</strong><br>If you get home after work and find yourself exploding at the smallest things, then shutting down and withdrawing, this guide is for you.</p><p><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide">https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide</a></strong></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/dDeTxAJfjCZQLnzS7">Book a Call with Lilly</a>:</strong></h3><p>If you&#8217;re interested in working directly with your nervous system to renegotiate the patterns keeping you in chronic activation, book a call with Lilly. She&#8217;ll walk you through polyvagal theory and explore what&#8217;s going on in your individual system and if nervous system work will help you.</p><p><br><strong><a href="https://calendar.app.google/dDeTxAJfjCZQLnzS7">https://calendar.app.google/dDeTxAJfjCZQLnzS7</a></strong></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[You Can't Change Your Partner. You Can Only Change You.]]></title><description><![CDATA[One truth, one thought, one tactic for a healthier relationship & nervous system]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/you-cant-change-your-partner</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/you-cant-change-your-partner</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 05 Feb 2026 17:11:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/11d4ef85-1af3-4c1a-8a30-db964c700dbf_420x300.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p><strong>Each week, 3T is one truth, one thought, and one tactic to help you stay connected when things get hard.</strong></p></blockquote><p>I got reminded of something important on a plane ride home this week. Thought you might need to hear it too.</p><h3><strong>TRUTH</strong></h3><p>Set your state. <strong>Don&#8217;t let others pull emotion out of you.</strong></p><p>I was on a late flight, trying to sleep, and the woman next to me had her overhead light on, her computer screen at full brightness, and her phone practically glowing like a beacon.</p><p>It felt like she didn&#8217;t care at all about the people around her, and I could feel myself getting more and more frustrated.</p><p>But here&#8217;s the truth: She wasn&#8217;t the problem. I was.</p><p><strong>Because she&#8217;s not the thing I have control over. I am.</strong></p><p>This is the trap we fall into all the time, blaming and getting mad at other people for what they&#8217;re doing or not doing.</p><ul><li><p>Your partner leaves dishes in the sink.</p></li><li><p>Doesn&#8217;t listen the way you want them to.</p></li><li><p>Doesn&#8217;t show up the way you think they should.</p></li></ul><p>And you spend all your energy trying to change <em>them</em> instead of asking: <strong>What is this trying to teach me?</strong></p><p> You can&#8217;t control your partner.</p><p>You can&#8217;t control the woman on the plane.</p><p>The only change you can truly make is how <em>you</em> show up.</p><p>That&#8217;s it. That&#8217;s the work.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><h3><strong>THOUGHT</strong></h3><p> <em>&#8220;You can&#8217;t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.&#8221;</em> &#8212; The Minimalists</p><p>You can&#8217;t control what others do. But you can control how you respond, and who you choose to let affect your state.</p><h3><strong>TACTIC</strong></h3><p>This week, notice where you&#8217;re trying to teach, fix, or change your partner instead of cleaning up your own side of the street.</p><p><strong>Try this:</strong></p><p>Next time you feel yourself getting frustrated with your partner, pause and ask yourself:</p><ol><li><p><strong>What am I making this mean about me?</strong> (Am I feeling unheard? Disrespected? Not enough?)</p></li><li><p><strong>What part of this is mine to own?</strong> (My reaction? My expectation? My boundary?)</p></li><li><p><strong>What would change if I focused on my state instead of their behavior?</strong></p></li></ol><p>You&#8217;re not letting them off the hook.</p><p>You&#8217;re just getting clear on what&#8217;s actually yours to carry.</p><p><strong>One thing to notice this week:</strong> Where are you choosing constraint (trying to control them) over freedom (owning your response)?</p><div><hr></div><p>If you're tired of snapping over small things and then shutting down, feeling like a failure at the one thing that should come naturally, this is what I do. I train your nervous system so you can catch it before it starts. Book your strategy call.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://calendar.app.google/ThYfwTKLK5reeD126&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Strategy Call with Lilly&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://calendar.app.google/ThYfwTKLK5reeD126"><span>Strategy Call with Lilly</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[171: Why High-Performing Men Snap at Home (And How to Stop the Explode Shutdown Cycle)]]></title><description><![CDATA[In this episode, Lilly breaks down the Explode Shutdown Cycle: chronic activation &#8594; trigger &#8594; explosion &#8594; guilt &#8594; shutdown &#8594; repeat.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/171</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/171</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 03 Feb 2026 11:00:37 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/186681423/d6873a38a29f7c90c72254790fbae876.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down the Explode Shutdown Cycle: chronic activation &#8594; trigger &#8594; explosion &#8594; guilt &#8594; shutdown &#8594; repeat.</p><p>She&#8217;ll explain why willpower and communication skills can&#8217;t fix this, and what actually works: training your nervous system to expand capacity and move fluidly between activation and safety.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></h3><ul><li><p>What the Explode Shutdown Cycle is and why it keeps repeating</p></li><li><p>The nervous system science behind chronic activation, explosion, guilt, and shutdown</p></li><li><p>Why you&#8217;re a &#8220;high-functioning survivalist&#8221; (like a high-functioning alcoholic&#8212;you keep it together, but at a cost)</p></li><li><p>Why willpower and communication skills can&#8217;t fix a maxed-out nervous system</p></li><li><p>The difference between sympathetic overdrive (activation) and ventral vagal (safety, connection, rest)</p></li><li><p>Why small triggers at home (mess, requests, interruptions) feel like threats when you&#8217;re already maxed out</p></li><li><p>How to train your nervous system to expand capacity and stay present under pressure</p></li><li><p>The three phases to break the cycle (outlined in the free field guide)</p></li><li><p>Why this is not a personality flaw&#8212;it&#8217;s a trainable nervous system response</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Free Download:</strong></h3><p><strong>Explode Shutdown Cycle Field Guide</strong><br>Visual diagram + 3 phases to break the cycle.<br><strong><a href="https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide">https://lillyrachels.myflodesk.com/fieldguide</a></strong></p><div><hr></div><h3><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></h3><ul><li><p><strong>Work 1:1:</strong> support@lillyrachels.com</p></li><li><p><strong>Website:</strong> lillyrachels.com</p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[You Can Be Right, or You Can Be Married]]></title><description><![CDATA[One truth, one thought, one tactic for a healthy relationship & nervous system]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/you-can-be-right-or-you-can-be-married</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/you-can-be-right-or-you-can-be-married</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 29 Jan 2026 16:50:19 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bd5b8e34-db89-4b7a-810f-cba9e4ed9198_420x300.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p><strong>Each week, 3T is one truth, one thought, and one tactic to help you stay connected when things get hard.</strong></p></blockquote><h2><strong>TRUTH</strong></h2><p>Winning the fight can cost you the relationship. You get your point across. You have the last word. But it comes at the expense of losing her. The only thing that grows when you <em>fight to be right</em> is the resentment she carries toward you. You can be right, or you can be married.</p><p>To move away from this losing strategy, you have to address the <em>fight</em> response in your nervous system. When your body is in survival mode, connection is impossible. A grounded, flexible nervous system is essential for a long-term intimate relationship.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><h2><strong>THOUGHT</strong></h2><p><em>&#8220;Objective reality has no place in personal relationships.&#8221;</em> -Terry Real</p><p>(There is no &#8220;winning&#8221; in relationships, only repair or rupture.)</p><h2><strong>TACTIC</strong></h2><p>Next time you feel yourself ready to fight:</p><ol><li><p><strong>Press your feet into the ground.</strong> Feel the floor. This signals your nervous system: <em>I&#8217;m here. I&#8217;m not in danger.</em></p></li><li><p><strong>Take one slow breath&#8212;4 seconds in, 6 seconds out.</strong></p></li><li><p><strong>Say this out loud:</strong> <em>&#8220;Give me a second. I&#8217;m here, I just need a moment.&#8221;</em></p></li></ol><p>That&#8217;s it. You&#8217;re not fixing the whole conversation in that moment. You&#8217;re just staying online.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/you-can-be-right-or-you-can-be-married?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/you-can-be-right-or-you-can-be-married?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share</span></a></p><div><hr></div><p>If you're tired of snapping over small things and then shutting down, feeling like a failure at the one thing that should come naturally, this is what I do. I train your nervous system so you can catch it before it starts. Book your strategy call.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://calendar.app.google/ThYfwTKLK5reeD126&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Strategy Call with Lilly&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://calendar.app.google/ThYfwTKLK5reeD126"><span>Strategy Call with Lilly</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[170: Why You Keep Her at Arm's Length (Fear of Rejection Explained)]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | You&#8217;re keeping your partner at arm&#8217;s length.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/170</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/170</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 27 Jan 2026 11:02:30 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/185920630/ab70ea317f3e5141af2ba5a068aa7aa0.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>You&#8217;re keeping your partner at arm&#8217;s length.</p><p>Waiting for the other shoe to drop. </p><p>Looking for proof they&#8217;ll leave.</p></blockquote><p>It&#8217;s not them. It&#8217;s your fear of rejection putting a force field around you that love can&#8217;t get through.</p><p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down the fear of rejection, why it shows up in relationships, and how it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. She walks you through the difference between real fear (evidence in THIS relationship) and imagined fear (ghosts from your past), and gives you a powerful reframe for building self-trust.</p><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>What the fear of rejection actually includes (fear of judgment, abandonment, not being good enough)</p></li><li><p>Why this fear starts in childhood and shows up in your adult relationships</p></li><li><p>How your brain looks for proof of what you already believe (and creates self-sabotage)</p></li><li><p>Why keeping someone at arm&#8217;s length guarantees they&#8217;ll eventually leave</p></li><li><p>The difference between real fear and imagined fear (and how to tell which one you&#8217;re dealing with)</p></li><li><p>How to know if your fear is based on evidence in THIS relationship or trauma from the past</p></li><li><p>Why &#8220;I am worthy of love&#8221; doesn&#8217;t work (and what to say instead)</p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p><a href="https://calendar.app.google/Fx4NT3eFQYo7Bqgm8">Book a Free Call with Lilly </a></p></li><li><p>Website: <a href="http://www.lillyrachels.com">lillyrachels.com</a></p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[169: Vagal Authority: Why You Can't Relax at Home (And How to Build It)]]></title><description><![CDATA[FREE CLASS JAN 27: At Ease: Why You Can&#8217;t Relax At Home]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/169</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/169</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 20 Jan 2026 10:50:27 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/185126782/43d523f9f3a8c5679473fce08fbc1f6b.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>FREE CLASS JAN 27: At Ease: Why You Can&#8217;t Relax At Home</p><p><strong><a href="https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/why-you-cant-relax-at-home">Save Your Seat</a></strong></p></blockquote><p>You&#8217;re crushing it at work. Managing teams. Solving problems. Making decisions under pressure.</p><p>But when you get home? You can&#8217;t turn it off.</p><p>Your wife wants to talk and it feels like a chore. Your kids annoy you because you can&#8217;t focus. You get into bed and your mind races through tomorrow&#8217;s to-do list.</p><p>There&#8217;s no exhale. No downshift. Just chronic activation.</p><p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down <strong>vagal authority,</strong> a leadership concept from polyvagal theory that explains why some leaders command a room through groundedness rather than intimidation. She walks you through your nervous system, explains chronic activation, and gives you a practice you can try right now to start building flexibility in your system.</p><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>What vagal authority is and why it&#8217;s the new frontier of leadership</p></li><li><p>The difference between sympathetic (go mode) and parasympathetic (rest mode) nervous systems</p></li><li><p>What chronic activation feels like (and why you can&#8217;t relax at home)</p></li><li><p>Why being the grounded person in the room is more powerful than being the loudest</p></li><li><p>How your nervous system becomes the tuning fork for everyone around you</p></li><li><p>A simple grounding practice to access safety in your body</p></li><li><p>What it means to &#8220;surf through your day&#8221; instead of constantly spiking and crashing</p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Free class January 27th: Why You Can&#8217;t Relax at Home (Even If Nothing is Wrong) - <strong><a href="https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/why-you-cant-relax-at-home">https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/why-you-cant-relax-at-home</a></strong></p></li><li><p>Work 1:1: support@growthovereasy.com</p></li><li><p>Website: <a href="http://www.lillyrachels.com">www.lillyrachels.com</a></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[168: Why You Explode Over Small Things (And How to Stop)]]></title><description><![CDATA[FREE MASTERCLASS: Why You Can&#8217;t Relax At Home (Even When Nothing Is Wrong): JOIN FOR FREE]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/168</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/168</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 13 Jan 2026 10:50:54 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/184366261/8489b8c23b53dda62a2c85635c360d15.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p><strong>FREE MASTERCLASS: Why You Can&#8217;t Relax At Home (Even When Nothing Is Wrong): <a href="https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/why-you-cant-relax-at-home">JOIN FOR FREE</a></strong></p></blockquote><p>If you&#8217;ve tried talk therapy, read the books, and still find yourself exploding over small things or shutting down during conflict, this episode is for you.</p><p>Today I&#8217;m sharing a client success story that shows exactly why nervous system work is more effective than traditional talk therapy, especially for men. You&#8217;ll hear how Dan (not his real name) went from explosive anger with his wife and PTSD triggers at work to staying calm, present, and connected, in just a few weeks.</p><p>This isn&#8217;t about talking through your problems for months. This is about working with what&#8217;s happening in your body so you can move through triggers without being derailed by them.</p><p>If you&#8217;re stuck in chronic stress, hypervigilance, or explosive reactions, this episode will show you what&#8217;s possible.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p></p><p><strong>What You&#8217;ll Learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Why Dan&#8217;s explosive anger wasn&#8217;t a character flaw, it was a nervous system pattern</p></li><li><p>How childhood trauma and military PTSD were connected to his present-day reactions</p></li><li><p>Why talk therapy often re-traumatizes people (and how nervous system work is different)</p></li><li><p>What it means to expand your window of tolerance so triggers don&#8217;t blow you offline</p></li><li><p>Why fights with your partner are never just about the present moment</p></li></ul><p><strong>Join the Free Masterclass:</strong> If you struggle with chronic stress, hypervigilance, explosive reactions, or shutdown during conflict, this class is for you. Learn what&#8217;s happening in your nervous system and how to move through it.</p><p><strong>&#128073; [<a href="https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/why-you-cant-relax-at-home">Register here: January 26th - Free]</a></strong></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[167: What's In and Out for Relationships in 2026]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | New year, new relationship standards.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/167</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/167</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 06 Jan 2026 10:06:16 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/183616340/a4ff4910b004bd3a8f7e987f9d942535.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>New year, new relationship standards. In this episode, Lilly breaks down the five things that need to go and the five things that need to stay in your relationship for 2026. </p><p>We&#8217;re ditching the defensive apologies, the unrealistic expectations, and the passive-aggressive pet names. And we&#8217;re leaning into repair as a one-way street, friction as your growth edge, and building a flexible nervous system that can handle real connection.</p><p>This isn&#8217;t about perfection. It&#8217;s about doing the real work in 2026.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p><strong>What You&#8217;ll Learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Why labeling your partner as &#8220;avoidant&#8221; or &#8220;narcissist&#8221; is sabotaging your relationship</p></li><li><p>The truth about expecting your partner to meet all your needs (spoiler: they can&#8217;t)</p></li><li><p>Why band-aid fixes don&#8217;t work&#8212;and what root cause work actually looks like</p></li><li><p>How to apologize without making excuses or rationalizing your behavior</p></li><li><p>What &#8220;repair as a one-way street&#8221; means and why it changes everything</p></li><li><p>How to reframe relationship friction as your growth edge</p></li><li><p>The difference between nervous system regulation and a flexible nervous system</p></li><li><p>Why men and women need to be on the same team in 2026</p></li></ul><p><strong>Key Takeaways:</strong></p><ul><li><p>An apology is simple: &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry for this.&#8221; No excuses, no rationalization.</p></li><li><p>Repair is a one-way street&#8212;deal with one problem at a time.</p></li><li><p>Your partner is a mirror showing you where you need to grow.</p></li><li><p>Flexibility in your nervous system is more important than always being &#8220;zen.&#8221;</p></li><li><p>Stop pitting men and women against each other&#8212;we all rise together.</p><p></p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Work with Lilly 1-on-1: <strong><a href="https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/0/appointments/schedules/AcZssZ2p9cW6dbAx6Xi_8fZ4uSyhgLycwk00ZUpMwwv3IPB0nr2JZI6lkcS6wjUF_Si21LOBmJNWir-d">[Book a consultation call]</a></strong></p></li></ul><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[166: Losing Strategy #5: Withdrawal (And Why It Slowly Kills Your Relationship)]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | You shut down.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/166</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/166</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 30 Dec 2025 10:31:03 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/182907529/b3aec876366835353d029a0f0ef07c20.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You shut down. You go silent. You walk away.</p><p>You think you&#8217;re protecting yourself. But you&#8217;re actually killing your connection.</p><p>In this final episode of the 5-part series on losing strategies, Lilly breaks down withdrawal, the pattern she&#8217;s struggled with most. She explains the difference between withdrawal and taking a responsible timeout, why your nervous system goes into freeze or flight, and how to build your capacity to stay in the room when conflict gets hard.</p><p>This is Part 5 (the final episode) of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.</p><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>What withdrawal really is (physically or emotionally leaving from resignation or retaliation)</p></li><li><p>The difference between withdrawal and taking a responsible timeout</p></li><li><p>What withdrawal looks like </p></li><li><p>Why your nervous system goes into freeze or flight during conflict</p></li><li><p>Why withdrawal is one of the most destructive patterns in relationships</p></li><li><p>How to recognize when you&#8217;re about to withdraw (awareness of your body&#8217;s signals)</p></li><li><p>How to take a responsible timeout </p></li><li><p>How to ground yourself during a timeout </p></li><li><p>Why you need to build capacity to stay in the uncomfortable</p></li><li><p>The one question that changes everything</p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@growthovereasy.com </p></li><li><p>Book a free call: <a href="https://calendar.app.google/HEj4hbVcy1u8eToF9">https://calendar.app.google/HEj4hbVcy1u8eToF9</a></p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[165: Losing Strategy #4: Retaliation (And Why It Creates a Cycle of Payback)]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | You got hurt.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/165</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/165</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 23 Dec 2025 10:30:29 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/182359430/b30208b16687c42eaac9b440c47c704b.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You got hurt. So you hurt them back.</p><p>You think you&#8217;re standing up for yourself. You think you&#8217;re evening the score. But really? You&#8217;re just creating more pain.</p><p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down the fourth of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: retaliation. She explains what Terry Real calls &#8220;offending from the victim position,&#8221; why your nervous system wants payback, and how to stand up for yourself without tearing your partner down.</p><p>This is Part 4 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.</p><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>What retaliation really is (offending from the victim position)</p></li><li><p>The difference between overt retaliation (direct attacks) and covert retaliation (passive-aggressive punishment)</p></li><li><p>Why your nervous system wants to make them feel what you feel</p></li><li><p>What victim mentality has to do with retaliation</p></li><li><p>Two powerful questions: What do you get out of being the victim? What do you get to avoid?</p></li><li><p>The real cost: Creates a cycle of payback, prevents repair, erodes trust</p></li><li><p>Why retaliation feels justified but destroys connection</p></li><li><p>How to recognize when you&#8217;re in retaliation mode</p></li><li><p>How to name the hurt directly instead of punishing them</p></li><li><p>How to stand up for yourself with love (not vengeance)</p></li><li><p>How to let go of the scorecard and ask for what you need</p></li><li><p>The one question that changes everything: &#8220;Am I trying to hurt them back, or am I trying to repair this?&#8221;</p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com</p></li><li><p>Website: <a href="http://www.growthovereasy.com">www.growthovereasy.com</a></p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[164: Losing Strategy #3: Unbridled Self-Expression (And Why Your Partner Can't Hear You)]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | You think you&#8217;re just being honest.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/164</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/164</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 10:30:56 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/181389493/0cdcd87a98114948c212491154f9dd66.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You think you&#8217;re just being honest. You&#8217;re actually overwhelming your partner.</p><p>You&#8217;ve been holding it in all day. All week. Then it explodes. You say everything. You let it all out. And your partner shuts down, gets defensive, or walks away.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down the third of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: unbridled self-expression. She explains what Terry Real calls &#8220;the barf bag approach to intimacy,&#8221; why your nervous system floods, and how to express yourself without creating emotional debris.</p><p>This is Part 3 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.</p><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>What unbridled self-expression really is (the &#8220;barf bag approach&#8221;)</p></li><li><p>Why &#8220;being honest&#8221; without consideration destroys connection</p></li><li><p>What&#8217;s happening in your nervous system when you&#8217;re flooded</p></li><li><p>The difference between expressing emotion and emotional dumping</p></li><li><p>Why your partner can&#8217;t hear you when you&#8217;re venting without filter</p></li><li><p>How &#8220;always&#8221; and &#8220;never&#8221; statements shut down conversation</p></li><li><p>The real cost of prioritizing discharge over connection</p></li><li><p>How to recognize when you&#8217;re flooded (outside your window of tolerance)</p></li><li><p>How to take a responsible time out (15 minutes, then come back)</p></li><li><p>The 7-10 whys exercise to get specific instead of generalizing</p></li><li><p>Terry Real&#8217;s Feedback Wheel: What I saw, Story I made up, How I feel, What I&#8217;d like</p></li><li><p>The one question that changes everything: &#8220;Am I saying this to be heard, or am I saying this to release?&#8221;</p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com</p></li><li><p>Website: lillyrachels.com</p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Case Against Single-Use Relationships]]></title><description><![CDATA[Maybe I Need to Rebrand: Turns Out Everyone Wants Boundaries, Not Connection]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/the-case-against-single-use-relationships</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/the-case-against-single-use-relationships</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 13 Dec 2025 22:01:35 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3fefc5b7-d136-4f67-82b0-905b8fd7ec86_420x300.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>We live in a world of single-use everything.</p><p>Fast fashion that falls apart after three washes. Meals delivered in minutes and containers tossed within hours. Phones designed to be obsolete in two years. Furniture made of particle board and glue, engineered to break down right after the warranty expires.</p><p>We&#8217;ve been trained to expect instant gratification and easy replacement. If something doesn&#8217;t work perfectly right away, we don&#8217;t fix it&#8230; we throw it away and hit &#8220;add to cart&#8221; again.</p><p>And now, <strong>we&#8217;re treating relationships the same way.</strong></p><p>Here&#8217;s the wake-up call I didn&#8217;t ask for: according to new data analysis of Reddit&#8217;s relationship advice forum over the past 15 years, the most popular relationship advice has shifted dramatically. <strong>Comments advising boundaries, therapy, and breakups have surged, while advice about communication, compromise, and working through things has dropped.</strong></p><p>According to Reddit, you should break up approximately <em><strong>half the time.</strong></em></p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p>As someone who&#8217;s built a career around teaching skills for long-term love, this hit different. The market has spoken: people want permission to leave, rules to enforce, and lines to draw. They want boundary-setting ebooks, not conflict resolution. They want exit plans, not relational repair strategies.</p><h2>The Price of Disposability</h2><p>Boundaries are important. Knowing when to leave is important.</p><p>But here&#8217;s what concerns me about this trend, and the disposable culture that&#8217;s fueling it:</p><p><strong>If you want a long-term relationship, you&#8217;re going to need more than an exit plan.</strong></p><p>You&#8217;ve got to learn how to move past &#8220;the ick&#8221; on a first date and give someone a second chance when they&#8217;re nervous and fumbling. You&#8217;ve got to learn how to work through problems that don&#8217;t have clean solutions. You&#8217;ve got to sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of immediately deciding they&#8217;re red flags. <strong>If you want long-term love, you&#8217;ve got to toughen up</strong> (I say this with all the love in my soul).</p><p>The uncomfortable reality is: Don&#8217;t expect to have deep love and connection if you&#8217;re unwilling to look at yourself and how you could improve things in your relationship. Don&#8217;t expect intimacy if your first instinct is always to <em>set a boundary</em> instead of <em>getting curious about what&#8217;s happening here.</em></p><p>We&#8217;ve normalized disposability in every area of our lives. Our clothes are made to fall apart. Our phones are designed to become outdated. Even our food comes wrapped in plastic we&#8217;ll use for thirty seconds before it sits in a landfill for three hundred years.</p><p>We&#8217;ve been conditioned to believe that if something requires maintenance, repair, or actual work, it&#8217;s broken. Time to upgrade.</p><p>But here&#8217;s the thing about single-use relationships: they leave you feeling just as empty as that takeout container you tossed last night.</p><h2>&#8220;Buy It New, Wear It Out, Make It Do, or Do Without&#8221;</h2><p>My grandfather used to say: &#8220;Buy it new, wear it out, make it do, or do without.&#8221;</p><p>He was talking about material things, but he was really talking about a completely different way of being in the world, one where you don&#8217;t throw something away just because it&#8217;s no longer shiny. One where repair is a skill worth having. One where longevity is the goal, not convenience.</p><p>That worldview? It&#8217;s almost extinct. And our relationships are paying the price.</p><p>We wonder why we can&#8217;t commit. Why we&#8217;re always looking for the next upgrade. Why discomfort feels like a dealbreaker. Why we swipe through hundreds of people but can&#8217;t seem to build something that lasts with any of them.</p><p>Maybe it&#8217;s because we&#8217;ve forgotten how to do anything <em>other</em> than dispose and replace.</p><h2>What If We Tried Something Different?</h2><p>Now, I&#8217;m not talking about staying in abusive or fundamentally incompatible relationships. I&#8217;m not advocating for suffering through something that&#8217;s truly broken at its core.</p><p>But if you&#8217;re in a relationship with someone you genuinely believe is good-willed at or you&#8217;re out in the dating world looking for something real, what if you tried a different approach?</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p>What if, instead of immediately focusing on the boundaries to set, the rules to enforce, and the red flags to catch, you focused on how to live more relationally?</p><p>What if you got curious about your patterns? What if you learned to repair instead of just learning to retreat? What if you developed the capacity to stay present with discomfort long enough to actually work through it?</p><p>What if we stopped treating people like single-use products?</p><h2>The Unsexy Work of Long-Term Love</h2><p>That&#8217;s the unglamorous, unsexy, counter-cultural work of long-term love. It doesn&#8217;t get upvotes on Reddit. It doesn&#8217;t go viral on TikTok. It requires more of you than just knowing when to walk away. <strong>It requires you to learn how to stay. How to show up. How to grow.</strong></p><p>So maybe I do need to change my marketing strategy. Maybe &#8220;Learn to Break Up Effectively&#8221; would get more clicks than &#8220;Learn to Stay and Grow.&#8221; Maybe I should lean into what the algorithm rewards.</p><p>But I&#8217;m not going to.</p><p>Because I believe in long-term love. And building a world where we choose repair over replace. Depth over disposability. <em><strong>Growth over easy.</strong></em> </p><p>-Lil</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/the-case-against-single-use-relationships?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/the-case-against-single-use-relationships?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share</span></a></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[163: Losing Strategy #2: Controlling Your Partner (And How It's Destroying Your Relationship)]]></title><description><![CDATA[Listen now | In this episode, Lilly breaks down the second of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: controlling your partner. She explains the difference between direct and indirect control, how your nervous system thinks control equals safety, and what to do instead so you can collaborate instead of dictate.]]></description><link>https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/163</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.growthovereasy.com/p/163</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[Lilly Rachels]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 09 Dec 2025 10:31:17 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/181078725/af218ee6a6550408f0511abd98eeb35c.mp3" length="0" type="audio/mpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In this episode, Lilly breaks down the second of five losing strategies that keep you stuck in the same conflicts: <strong>controlling your partner</strong>. She explains the difference between direct and indirect control, how your nervous system thinks control equals safety, and what to do instead so you can collaborate instead of dictate.</p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe now&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:null}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://www.growthovereasy.com/subscribe?"><span>Subscribe now</span></a></p><p>This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on the losing strategies that sabotage your relationship and how to interrupt the cycle.</p><p><strong>In this episode, you&#8217;ll learn:</strong></p><ul><li><p>The difference between direct control and indirect control (manipulation)</p></li><li><p>Why your nervous system thinks control equals safety</p></li><li><p>What&#8217;s happening in your body when you try to control the conflict</p></li><li><p>Examples of direct control (dictating timeline and outcome)</p></li><li><p>Examples of indirect control (guilt tripping, withdrawal, playing victim)</p></li><li><p>Why control leads to retaliation and payback</p></li><li><p>The real cost of trying to control your partner in conflict</p></li><li><p>How to recognize when you&#8217;re in control mode</p></li><li><p>How to regulate yourself instead of managing your partner</p></li><li><p>The one question that changes everything: &#8220;Am I trying to control this because it&#8217;s helpful or because I&#8217;m uncomfortable?&#8221;</p></li></ul><p><strong>Connect with Lilly:</strong></p><ul><li><p>Join the FREE UNDEFEATED 3 Day Intensive (Dec 8, 9, 10 at 6 pm CT): <strong><a href="https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated">https://stan.store/lillyrachels/p/undefeated</a></strong></p></li><li><p>Work 1:1 with Lilly: support@lillyrachels.com</p></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item></channel></rss>